I Would Suck

Posted on February 16, 2011


Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

I would suck as a “guest” on Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.

The Show

Chef Gordon Ramsay is “the most successful restaurateur” in the history of the Earth, according to the marketing. In each episode, he visits a failing restaurant. Sometimes the problem is the staff. Sometimes it’s the menu. Sometimes it’s the head chef. Sometimes it’s the manager. Ramsay addresses the issues, has his staff redecorate the restaurant, and stages a re-launch. The moral of the show is that if you listen to Chef Ramsay and do as he tells you, your restaurant has a chance of success. If you don’t, you are doomed.

Why I Would Suck

First, because I’m a fiend for a clean kitchen. If Chef Ramsay came into my restaurant and found some part of the kitchen dirty, I would close the restaurant until everything was clean again. I would not argue with him. I would not try to just get by. I would not clean it later. I would thank Chef Ramsay for pointing out where we could improve, and I would fix the problem immediately. Oh, I’m also serious about clean restrooms, so he wouldn’t find a huge mess there, either.

Second, because I’m not stupid. If it’s my restaurant, I control the money. Period. No chef in my employ¬† is going to buy the finest ingredients in quantities sufficient to feed an army unless we’re actually feeding armies, and charging enough to cover the costs. If Chef Ramsay came into my restaurant and found a walk-in refrigerator full of prime ingredients, it would be because we needed them – or my crazy chef was buying them with his own money.

Third, because I’ve watched the show. If I’m so desperate to get my restaurant back on its feet that I call Chef Ramsay, I’m going to listen to him. He won’t have to raise his voice or swear. Before he arrived, my staff would already hate his mantra, “Change. Or die.” I would make sure that they knew we would follow Chef Ramsay’s suggestions. Anyone who dug in his (or her) heels about it could hit the bricks. I wouldn’t call in an expert and then ignore him – unless he was an idiot without a track record for success.


I would make a lousy candidate for Gordon Ramsay’s show because I pay attention to the fundamentals, I watch my budgets, and I don’t let my ego get in the way of my team’s success.