I Would Suck

Posted on March 16, 2011



A former co-worker of mine, Phil Athans, is going out for Survivor. Not me, thanks. I wish him the best of luck, and I think he would be a terrific competitor. I couldn’t handle it.


First off, my approach to private confession time (or whatever they call it) would look like Mitch Preston. Yeah, we’re living in primitive conditions. First off, we volunteered. Second, if we win, we get money. Third, I already did that – for seven months, in the First Gulf War. So I would have the most boring videos of the season. It’s not that I’m a tough guy. I’m not. I’m just an ordinary average guy with a different frame of reference. Survivor isn’t American Idol. Audience votes are meaningless, so I don’t need the most views of my videos to stay in the game.


I love to compete. I’m not sure that I would run if I didn’t. I have limits, though. No matter how fierce the competition, I play clean. I never want it said that I only won because I cheated. There are civilian games, and there’s war. In civilian life (and I’m including business in this category, because that’s how I work), there are rules (and laws). In war, there aren’t. In war, the one who lives wins. Some of the behavior on Survivor crossed the line and makes me uncomfortable. Once a competitor behaves in a way that suggests there are no rules, someone could get hurt. If I think someone is rigging things in a way that could hurt me or mine, I will work with the authorities first. After that, the gloves come off. No, I think Survivor is a poor match for my tendencies.


Which in turn touches on another issue – I tell people how I feel. I communicate in constructive ways. I focus on my goal. So any backbiting or conspiracy doesn’t interest me. That makes me a very boring, non-dramatic, competitor for Survivor.

Also, I would have no patience with the contrived plot points. The directors and producers would kick me off the island for focusing on the competitions instead of going along with their storyline.


I am a team player. On Survivor, I would compete as part of my team against the other team. If I had an issue with a team mate, I would work that out. I wouldn’t stab my team in the back. I wouldn’t complain on camera as if he (or she) was never going to see it.

Too Decent

The only way that I could even get on Survivor would be to get really, really, really drunk and misbehave. Otherwise I’m too honest, too open, to straightforward, and too much of a team player for reality TV.

Posted in: television